My path into cuckolding began similar to many: through pornography. It was a much simpler time; I didn’t understand cucking as a viable relationship or lifestyle, let alone know of any resources or community. I simply imagined my wife being intimate with another man instead of me and it made me cum harder than anything else before. Eventually I longed for more substance and searched out real people on as many websites and message boards I could find like cuckoldmarriage.info, ourhotwives.org and blacktowhite.net. One day while browsing B2W I saw a comment by a user promoting his upcoming show about cuckolding. I couldn’t look it up fast enough. The podcast was called Keys and Anklets.
Hearing real conversations changed everything for me. The incredible dynamic that seemed merely the stuff of online fantasy felt more tangible than ever. My headphones became my safe place to secretly live vicariously a life I was sure I’d never have. Each passing episode brought the passion and personality of the lifestyle community clearer into focus and my affection for it quickly grew. Since it was a secret from my wife it was bittersweet but still I followed the magnetic pull I felt onto social media, wanting to be as part of it as I could. If I couldn’t live it, I was going to cheer for it. I felt very much on the outside, yet closer than ever to something I was passionate about. The Twitter feed became another safe space for me to listen, learn and work on myself. After my wife accidentally found out about my kinks and the world didn’t end, I felt safe enough to work harder on accepting myself, kinks and all. Other guys like me were already doing it and that made me want to try too. I decided to carve out yet another safe space for myself and published a blog post, identifying myself as a cuck. It was foremost for me but I still felt incredibly self-conscious. Those four letters felt inseparable from my sexuality but I wasn’t living it. I was afraid that the “legitimate” people living the life I wanted would dismiss me as just another wannabe or a try-hard. I already felt like one.
The subject of inclusivity is very personal for me because it changed my marriage. I did not feel like a few paragraphs about my cuckold feelings warranted notice from anyone but I was shocked at the welcome I received by lifestyle people who had never met me. Instead of being made to feel like an imposter I was congratulated and encouraged to keep going, keep writing and keep working. I continued to engage and friendships developed. Had I not received that investment, or worse, I may have stopped writing or logged off completely. I would not have had the words and relationships to share with my wife and we may never have broken out of the rut we were in and found this incredible life. That is why I feel so strongly that every single person, practicing and aspiring, deserves to receive respect, support and inclusion. There are so many people out there that want to live this lifestyle and I want as many of them to find happiness as possible.
A Cuck By Any Other Name
What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.Shakespeare
Perhaps you are one of those people. When you first enter the cuck-positive space, it can be overwhelming. There are lots of different relationship dynamics, subgenres and terminologies to learn about. It can take a minute to wrap your mind around what all the different labels mean and find where you fit in. Arguably the most unusual word is cuckold. I didn’t always love how it sounded and the negative stigmas that come with it can weigh heavily. When Bunni started actually dating, that weight felt near unbearable for a short season. I became insecure about the title and whether it was right for me. In the end my wife and I figured out what worked for us and now I can’t imagine feeling any differently than I do now: I enjoy being called a cuck and embrace all that the word means to me.
Cuckold is an odd, centuries-old word. Classically, it refers to a husband whose wife is being unfaithful to him and their otherwise monogamous marriage. Culturally, her infidelity heaped shame and derision upon him. However, when you hear someone say cuckold in a kink, fetish, lifestyle or otherwise sex-positive context, they are referring to something entirely different. Although the activities of cucking your partner are reminiscent of the “cheating wife” scenario, the foundations could not be more distinct. Whereas the classical term was marked by deception, betrayal and pain, cuckolding as a sex act demands the same prerequisites of any other: informed, enthusiastic and ongoing consent; open communication between partners and mutual sexual enjoyment for all parties involved. In the sexual lifestyle, cuckolding is an ethical non-monogamous activity and relationship.
Cuckolding is many things to many people. What your version will look like depends solely on you and your partner. Encouraging your partner to own their sexuality with other people and getting off on that is where it all starts. From there, limitless possibilities exist. People in all different kinds of relationships, of all genders and sexual orientations enjoy cuckolding; if you have a regular partner – married, engaged, committed or casual – they can cuck you and you can cuck them. Unpartnered cucks and cuckoldresses are valid and those who are in vanilla relationships are too. There is a seat for you at the table where a full spread of delicacies – BDSM, kink, compersion, angst – lay ready to sample as you uncover your unique tastes. You may enforce your cuck’s monogamy, permit them other partners or even pimp them out. Cucks may enjoy experiencing their partner’s sexual freedom in all kinds of creative ways. Cuckolding may be your play scene, your weekend activity or your lifestyle. It may be your only dynamic or one of many. The cuckold lifestyle is like a gemstone; it has many facets, viewable from many angles, but its value remains unchanged no matter how you look at it.
Everyone comes to the table for the same reasons: to push the boundaries of sexual pleasure and enjoy the company of like-minded people. Your place card should invite discussion rather than judgment because no one word will ever be able to encapsulate the complexity of your sexuality. Just like sex, variety is what keeps things interesting; you will never find two singles or couples exactly the same. Enjoy listening to all different points of view and keep what feels right. Receive the support of curious and open-minded friends and then pay that hospitality forward in your own way. Non-monogamy is marginalized enough and a community is only as valuable as the support it provides. Choose to create the kind of environment you’d want to live in. Choose curiosity over judgement. Choose to make others feel welcome, not excluded. Choose to invest in others because you never know just how much a small gesture could help change someone’s life.
Special thanks to Nookie Notes of Dating Kinky for her inclusive cuckolding education, which inspired portions of this post.
Cover Photo: Annie Spratt via Unsplash.