Part I: The Spark
Part II: The Fire
Few taboos hit harder than witnessing someone else’s bride crumble underneath a superior lover. Hearing her beg for his cock to plunge harder and deeper, louder than her husband has ever heard, is a sexual drug like no other. Cuckold porn is so arousing, it’s easy to miss how much it babies you, how little it prompts you to think through the details of reality and how safe it is. Those realizations stay comfortably at arm’s length until that woman being truly fucked on another level is your wife and suddenly, winds of change are blowing down your door.
Bunni and I had cum together countless times over the years but I had just experienced the most intense orgasm of my life. A flurry of dizziness rushed into my head. I felt higher than I ever had before and the higher you are, the farther you can fall. We sat up next to each other and unwrapped our food, as we’ve done so many evenings before in front of the TV. Our evening was moving on to our comfortable and familiar routine but it felt anything but. While she ravenously dug into her taco salad, I picked at mine in silence. She chattered on happily reminiscing on her evening out, oblivious to the fact that the wind had blown my door clean off and was swirling so loudly in my ears, I couldn’t hear anything else. The fire that was raging in me moments before had been blown out with such intensity that even the embers were extinguished.
I have never seen my wife experience a drop after an orgasm. For me it has been a lifelong occurrence. First it was the shame of my sinful failures. Then it was the guilt and loneliness of a secret fantasy life kept hidden from the woman I loved. Now it was simply a fear, not of the unknown but the downright irrational. The experience of anxiety is having the most ridiculous, far-flung scenario feel imminent and then locking up as if it will pummel you at any moment. I breathed deeply, knowing full-well the moment would pass. The last thing I wanted to do was stomp on Bunni’s high but if there’s one thing I’m horrible at, it’s hiding my feelings. My silence was deafening and my wife paused everything, addressed me with compassion and forced me to talk. “Have you seriously never felt bad after an orgasm?” I pleaded. In that moment I was so jealous of her pure, unadulterated post-adultery afterglow. I felt like we had just danced a winning routine, only for me to fuck up the landing. She spoke. “Honey, I knew this was going to happen. I was waiting for it. Please, let’s talk.“
I have not once feared that Bunni will leave me. Rather, my worries tend to revolve around relationship stresses and changes. My spiraling brain was certain that my wife had just experienced the best sex of her life and our intimacy was damaged forever. Surely she could never truly enjoy sex with me again after her bull had raised the bar so high? That is when Bunni held space for me, listened to my completely asinine worries and helped me understand just how wrong my simplistic view of her sex life with me was. Smiling, she assured me that this evening, she was more happy with me, herself and life than ever before. Her gratitude and love were felt as she reminded me that ten minutes prior, we had just had the most incredible sex of our marriage. I started to feel that post-anxiety embarrassment as I realized how right she was. Her voice pulled me back from the brink and my fear melted away. I may not have stuck the landing right away but we both found our footing together before bedtime.
The feelings that cuckolds experience can act like a pendulum, swinging wildly from one extreme to the next. One moment, your head is literally spinning with indescribable amounts of lust and pleasure until the other shoe drops and you feel like your world is spinning out of control. However, that moment of panic is just that – momentary – and before you know it, lustful cravings surface again stronger than ever. The morning after my first cuckolding, the embers of lust were already glowing hot and bright once again. I couldn’t wait for us to experience it all again and as I took the day to start processing what happened the night prior, it felt more right than ever.
Bunni’s embers had full-on ignited again. If she had been able to meet him before checkout in the morning, she would have. Instead, she restlessly, insatiably pined for her next fucking by him. We reminisced about all of our favorite details and in doing so, further realized the stark difference between him and I. Not only did he last far longer and pound much harder in positions that I couldn’t do, he inspired her to completely submit to his lead in their bed, something she never knew she would love so much. Bunni looked right into my eyes and told me that it was a new level of sex that she never knew she had been missing this whole time. She struggled to understand how it was so different from the sex she had experienced all her life. She felt confident, empowered, beautiful and sexy in a way that only this lifestyle could provide. Seeing how much he had impacted her – and how badly she wanted it again – fueled my cuckold desire to new heights.
Although sex was not on the table for us that evening, I couldn’t get the mental images of their sex out of my head. The chasm between her bull’s sexual ability and my own was a stabbing knife of masochism and Bunni’s craving for him twisted it. The contrast cut deeply, right down to the core of what turns me on as a cuckold, and sent me into a fit. I opened our sexting thread and spilled out all of my thoughts to her: how he gets a submissive side of her that I don’t, how deeply she lets herself go with him, how happy she looks with him in her mouth and how she calls me “cute” in comparison to him. Desperate to cum to the sights and sounds of them together, I hit send on the text, pulled down my shorts, pulled up their videos and spilled out all of myself to what they had done together.
As I broke my awkward silence in bed later that evening, my wife was baffled that I not only felt bad about myself but was afraid she felt less of me too. Together we realized how we entered this lifestyle from different contexts. She was starting with a clean slate and lots of healthy perspectives. I had baggage from years of secretly indulging in humiliation porn, independent from the care of a relationship. Although I always told myself it was all in good fun, perhaps subtle messages had taken root deeper than I realized. The reality of her bull’s superior prowess was now staring me in the face but instead of staying grounded in the reality of our marriage, I panicked. The idea that I was a worthless loser for being less adequate in our bed – and my wife thinking less of me for it – was simply a projection of my insecurity onto a situation that was actually the exact opposite. Bunni again called my attention to her eyes so she could explain just how much more she thought of me, not just for being okay with but encouraging her extramarital sex. I gave her the attention she commanded.
“Listen. I hold you in such high regard. When I think about how you are okay with and enjoy all of this, it’s amazing. I feel so loved that you prioritize my happiness by outsourcing the sexual abilities you lack to other guys. Every single one of my friends I have told about last night all asked me, ‘How’s Jack doing?’ I told them that he’s doing great and I’m so proud of him. They ask me if you really get off on all this, like watching me blow another guy, and the answer is yes! I can’t believe it. Yes, your sexual abilities physically are down here but your emotional abilities are way up in the stratosphere to even be able to do this. Being a cuck doesn’t make me think less of you; it makes me think more of you. You don’t ever have to worry about me thinking less of you and you shouldn’t think less of yourself either.”
Those few minutes were a mountaintop experience in our marriage and a breakthrough for me as a cuckold. It may sound counterintuitive that opening up your relationship brings you closer together but this is the reason why. It forces you to clumsily drudge up shit in that you could have otherwise ignored, right in front of your partner, only to receive their love and acceptance yet again. It creates opportunities to choose each other, support each other and learn about each other on a deeper level. It’s highly uncomfortable and scary at times but it’s intimacy. It was the matter-of-fact manner in which my wife acknowledged reality that helped my bruised ego and anxious brain heal. My sexual status had changed. I was no longer the best fucker in her life. If she could accept it so readily then I could too, and in that moment I embraced it. She had begun her own personal sexual journey, in which she would experience kinds of pleasure that I would never be able to give her. She would share firsts and discover new kinks with other lovers. Her preferences would restrict certain acts and dynamics from me. I saw it in her eyes; as my cuckoldress, she could not have been more eager for it all. However, I also heard it in her voice; as my cuckoldress, she could not have been more eager for us and all that lay ahead. As her cuckold, out of my own head and into the safety of her embrace once again, I felt eager too.
The thing about pendulums is that over time, and with no outside force applied, the arc of their swing becomes less and less. Eventually they become still, stable and centered. That is similar to how my experience has been thus far as a new cuckold. In the beginning, every little new experience felt like a gale force wind that threatened to knock me off my feet. It completely extinguished the embers that our fiery sex life left behind with a sharp, hissing plume of steam, leaving me no choice but to wait for them to glow again. Now that some time has passed and my wife and I continue to learn more about each other, those forces hit differently, with pure sexual power rather than any threat of destruction. They pummel my body and mind exactly how I want them to, stoking the flames of lust to inferno levels. Instead of bracing for it, I swing my arms wide open and wait for it to hit me. Finally, when it is time for the flames to die down, a steady, glowing bed of embers is left behind to keep me warm until our next encounter.
Bunni and I talked again the following evening. Since our decision to enter into a cuckold marriage, we’ve enjoyed simply conversing with each other in a way like never before. Once again we reminisced about her first fucking by her bull and eagerly anticipated when it could happen again. Bent over the bed, she cocked her head to one side so I could hear her speak while I gently held her hips in my grasp and exclaimed how incredible how her pussy felt. Our minds were in the same place. “It’s not all yours anymore,” she reminded me. “Think about how I felt for my bull the first time he slid inside me.” I assured her that had been top of mind from the very first tender thrust. “Did he fuck you like this?” She laughed. “Oh no, honey. He went so hard and so deep. This feels like less than half of how he filled me.” I took the dare to quicken my pace, yet Bunni was no less serene than the minute before. While she teased me to give her my tiny in a near-whisper, our mismatched encounter neared its crescendo. After reaching our climax together, we lay down side by side like we always do and settled in for pillow talk. This time we were both glowing.
Cover photo by Clay Banks on Unsplash.