Finding Balance

Finding Balance

When we first started talking about non-monogamy back in December of last year, the heat ramped up fast. Within two weeks, Bunni decided that it was something she wanted to try. Matching each other’s excitement, we dove in headfirst into an incredibly thrilling, hormone-fueled sexual adventure. After our first playdate in April, the intensity rose to a new level. We indulged in the incredible experiences that the lifestyle had to offer as often as we could. Then, after about two months, the activities that used to excite me didn’t feel as pleasurable anymore. I struggled to understand why. I liked these things! While we had gained an amazing new part of our lives, something happened that we didn’t anticipate. It took several weeks of thought and conversation to realize how unbalanced our life had become. I was unknowingly mourning the loss of so much; pretty much everything besides the lifestyle. The powerful forces of pleasure that we had unleashed had overwhelmed every other aspect of our life and knocked us completely off balance.

Simply put, compared to the newfound intensity in our bedroom, almost nothing else in life felt as appealing. Our hobbies fell by the wayside. We talked about little else than the lifestyle with each other. Most regrettably, our relationships with friends and family became de-prioritized. The intensity and amount of conversation we were having amongst each other took attention away from our children. Our sex life became extremely focused on other people and less and less time was devoted to focusing just on each other. What was meant to be a spice in our life had become the main course. Have you ever eaten a spoonful of straight cinnamon? I don’t recommend it.

Bunni and I took a step back to evaluate our life and unpack how we had arrived at the state we were in. Part of that was considering the specific context in which we decided to open our marriage. Having spent most of 2020 in our house, not seeing family and friends and not dating each other, we had grown exhausted as parents and slightly depressed as individuals. It was in this environment that we introduced one of the most intense dopamine rushes we had ever experienced. It was immediately incredible, so much so that we didn’t realize how much we became reliant on it for excitement and happiness in our lives. That is not a sustainable or healthy trajectory to be on and after a few months, we started to learn that through experience.

In response, we made a conscious decision to rebalance our life. The timing worked out with our child starting school. We recommitted to our home rhythms and routines. We started cooking again instead of ordering out every night. Bunni started dreaming again – about other things than just big dicks – which is one of the things I have always loved most about her. Although several major experiences happened during this time – our anniversary and New York – I took a break from writing and drastically reduced my time spent on social media. We stopped all of our 24-7 lifestyle dynamics and figured out how this new and exciting sexual adventure would actually fit in to our day-to-day reality. Overall, we identified all of our priorities and committed to put them in line. We didn’t realize how much we had lost us until we were back again.

We have both learned so much about ourselves and each other during this short time in the lifestyle. That will continue to be a lifelong process but especially in the beginning, the level of discovery is extremely high. Having spent less than a year in kink and even less in non-monogamy, we are very much still growing as people. Just as my wife is on a new and exciting journey of self-discovery, I am too. However, we are also growing together as a couple, which is something that we are very used to in all that we have been through in our twelve years together.

Being in the sexual lifestyle isn’t constant fun and games. The unbelievable heights of pleasure are enabled by the work that you have to do, individually and together. Thankfully, we’re in a new season of healthier balance again. We’ve needed it, not just because of the lifestyle but also because of the clusterfuck of last year. We never really “returned” from quarantine until now. We’re enjoying ourselves, our children, family, friends and hobbies again. We’re dreaming about our future and actively pursuing it. We’re rediscovering ourselves on this journey through life together. On top of all that, we also share in a secret, unbelievably naughty sexual lifestyle that we’re eager to dive back into. In the right amount, it provides the perfect amount of flavor to keep our life spicy.

– Jack

Cover photo by Patrick Fore on Unsplash.

12 thoughts on “Finding Balance

    1. Yes, of course! We love this lifestyle. However the very beginning is a unique season. We have tried so many new things but are still finding the dynamic that is comfortable for us. I’m looking forward to sharing more about this new chapter.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Hello!

    I’ve recently found out about your blog via the Venus Cuckoldress Podcast. I am catching up on posts and just after reading this one I was going to share it but realised it had been deleted. Do you think you will ever restore it or did you delete it as part of the above mentioned readjustments?

    In any case I’ll continue to catch up on all your writing. Thanks for sharing!


    1. Yes, that one! As I’ve been growing, sometimes an older post doesn’t feel like my authentic self, which is what I always want my writing to reflect. I’m still figuring out how to reconcile what I share online with my sexual fluidity. Perhaps I’ll re-publish it one day if it feels right. I appreciate your interest!


      1. Oh, thank you again for your vulnerability and sharing. It is very interesting as I am currently experiencing a bit of a wobble of insicurity around penis size after years (a decade?) enjoying the SPH play and learning to be happy and confedent in the size that I am. And I say interesting because for me it started for me while reading The Embers post! I am sure that is not the only reason (lots going on in the world to make our emotions stronger and more unpridictable right now) but the emotions I felt while reading your blog must have sturred somethign so I’m trying to be curious about it and plan on writing about it further. I’ve recnelty just finished Miss Scarlet’s blog too and had similar feelings so it is soemthing I want to interigate further for myself. I hope you are doing ok in that space as well.

        For what it is worth I enjoy reading a journey, and if you choose to keep it down totally understandable. But for what it is worth as a reader (and for future readers) I think it would be nice if it was still up and you wrote a post about how and why SPH isn’t connecting with you right now.

        Anyhow, hope you feel better, and sounds like you likley had a wounderful weekend with Bunni and friends. Speaking of which, my wife and I just listened to Bunni’s Venus Cuckoldress episode and she really enjoyed and connected with it. We had a lot of good conversations out of it as well.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. It all still feels good! When we started out on a 24-7 identity mindset, which is the perspective I wrote from. Lately we have been learning how to integrate cuckolding into the other parts of our lives and selves and discovering what it means to be fluid. I have a blog planned on this topic and what feels best is to leave all my posts the way they are so readers can follow our progression. Also I think that SPH post is one of my best!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Well!!! After finding your (or Buxm’s? I can’t remember now) Twitter account, then this blog I am now finally all caught up and what an emotional ride! I have to say I don’t remember having read a blog with such an emotional impact on me since reading the Mrs. Kelly’s Playhouse Blogspot blog many years ago. I’m going to write up my feelings somewhere in longer form (maybe on and come back to link it here if you are interested. In short I think there was such an impact because of your great writing, and our similarities! From how you described things to how your body looks similar to mine, Buxm’s body looks similar to my wife’s, and how Baxterlongwood’s is totally my wife’s type. In anycase there is likely more feedback to come but I just wanted to write something here in the mean time to say thank you for all your writing, and all of the sharing you both do!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Wow! This is wonderful feedback. I appreciate you reading and taking the time to comment. I’m glad it resonated with you! It’s always satisfying to connect with like-minded people. I used to spent quite a bit of time on that site too!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Hello! I just skimmed and realized that you referred many times to our blogs. I am honored that my writing inspired so many thoughts. When I have time I’m going to read through and as I think about these things often, I’m sure I will have plenty of thoughts of my own. Thanks for writing and sharing!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. You were so right to take a step back from cuckolding and focus on each other. My first wife cuckolded me and we both went into it head first at 100mph and allowed it to consume us. Our lives completely revolved around it for a year, and then I took a year long overseas job, and during that year my wife fell in love with her bull and divorced me. Our love had been replaced by an addiction and forgotten about, and another man literally filled that void. Cuckolding can be an incredible spice for a relationship, but can be poisonous if it’s the main course


Leave a Reply to cgd65 Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s