Six Reasons Why I Love Chastity

Six Reasons Why I Love Chastity

I am sitting here writing this post while wearing my brand-new chastity cage. I remember the first time I ever saw someone wearing one online. My first impression was it was something I’d never be into. What’s the fun in sex if you can’t get off? It’s been a few years since then and a lot has changed with me. I decided to start experimenting with chastity last year and from the first time I tried it on, I loved it. However, I never put much thought into why.

After some thought, it turns out that for me there are many reasons! I hope that in addition to being a fun exercise for myself, this post might help someone else understand better, whether that be someone curious about chastity or their open-minded partner. All I can say is that if you’re even slightly interested, do some research and try it! You just might like it. So let’s get into it; here are six reasons why I love being locked up.

Submission

Despite their imposing look, most chastity devices are actually not 100% foolproof. If you have a good fit and some extra security measures in place, escaping can be a real pain but the reality is, short of a Prince Albert piercing (yikes) or catheter (double yikes), it’s possible to slip out of most ball-trap devices with enough lube and determination.

The point I am making is for me chastity is much more mental than physical. It’s an act of complete submission to another person, in this case, my wife. As long as we are playing the chastity game, my cage feels like an extension of my wedding ring. So much as my person is “owned” by her under the rules we’ve established in our marriage, so the steel ring around my balls may as well be her literal grip on me. Under our mutual agreement, she owns them to do with or without how she chooses and for me that is a wonderful feeling. So I might be able to physically escape my cage if I absolutely wanted to, but why would I want to? As a submissive man, my wife’s approval means everything to me. Avoiding her inevitable disappointment in me breaking the rules we set is all the motivation I need to keep going.

I have self-locked as well and that can cater to the rest of the reasons below, but I started with the topic of submission on purpose. This is the primary driver of so much of my sexuality. In order to be satisfied to my fullest potential, I need to submit to her. Surrendering my orgasms, pleasure and even erections entirely under the control of my wife is one of the most powerful expressions of submission I can think of. It’s ownership on a deeper level, as if I am placing my most intimate parts in her hand to take and not let go.

Denial

I crave being sexually teased and denied. It excites my whole body, but more so my mind. Naturally, being locked up enhances that play to an extreme. Not being able to get a simple erection is only the beginning; many other sweet tortures could await, such as her tongue prodding through the openings of the cage or her ready pussy grinding on me, so close yet so far away, all the while the key to my freedom dangling teasingly around her neck. After a long sex session focused entirely on her pleasure, she could lovingly pat my denied penis and take even more satisfaction in stretching my discipline one more night.

She would not be the only one sexually satisfied though. If sex is just an orgasm scoreboard then yes, I just lost. However sex for me is much more than that; it’s something deep inside my head. I’m like any other guy. My penis craves fucking and cumming and feels frustrated when it can’t, but when it finally gets what it wants, the fun is over. The drive to pursue my wife is, at least for the moment, gone. My body is void of all the sexual anticipation that was there before. Thankfully, the wires in my brain take frustration, desire, tease, denial and synthesize them all into sexual pleasure. In not getting an orgasm that night, I would be sexually satisfied. Instead, we’d focus on connecting emotionally, the drive for me still there. We’d cuddle, talk and touch in other ways, fulfilling my emotional and intimate needs. We’d go to sleep closer than we were before, all because I gave my wife the decision of my release and she said no.

My frustrated, desperate, leaking penis and aching balls become her handiwork. Every time my excitement starts to rise, the steel ring starts to feel tighter, my penis starts to fill with nowhere to go and presses tight in all directions, my entire groin embodies burning pressure and it’s as if my wife is saying “No, not yet.” The sensation turns my focus back to her. I enjoy denial because it makes me feel like I belong to, the one denying me, my wife, and that she owns me. I love that feeling.

Emasculation

Few bonds are more powerful than that of a man’s with his penis. Becoming excited and erect, stroking, fucking and finally ejaculating are core to the male experience. I can speak from experience that removing all of those things does something to my male psyche. It removes me from a common experience shared by all men and that turns out to be a very powerful emasculation tool. In case it isn’t clear by now, I love being made to feel that way.

There’s something powerfully humiliating about hearing other men at the urinals while you sit in the stall because you have no other choice. Watching porn changes into something completely different too. Whereas before every image of an erect penis being sucked or fucked was a fantasy of potential, now it is only a brutal reminder of something you can’t do. His thick, throbbing erection is just a reminder of how sexually unviable I am compared to him in my current state. Every lick and stroke screams “Not for you” and makes me feel like I’m looking in at a party through the window from outside, and while that might sound sad, it feels amazing because that is where my partner put me. Perhaps I might even spy her with someone else!

Being caged for any period of time changes your relationship with your penis to the point that it’s almost as if you don’t have one. You kind of forget what it’s like to get hard and masturbate and that just makes the eventual release that much more satisfying. It’s a re-discovery of manhood again and it feels significantly better after a period of zero stimulation at all. As someone who also likes small penis humiliation, I enjoy that chastity keeps me even smaller than I’d normally be. I like that in a cage, my penis is truly useless. That will bring the strongest of men to their knees.

Sensation

Simply put, I just enjoy the feeling of the cage on me. It does take the body some getting used to for the first few times. Use lube or lotion around the ring in the beginning to prevent burning and chafing on the skin. However, once your body adapts and the slight discomfort subsides, chastity is nothing but comfortable (unless you want to make it otherwise). I enjoy the snug sensation that I feel around my penis when it tries to get excited, especially how it presses at the end. The majority of time locked up though is spent soft, leaving nothing but the weight of the device which I find satisfying.

Aesthetic is important for me too and played a large part in what I selected for my first steel cage (pictured). My favorite elements about it are the solid section on the bottom and the shape of the hole in the front which is just striking to me. My favorite view of any cage is always the front, where the partially-obscured “face” of my penis peeks out from. My preference is to have this be the only part visible, however a totally-enclosed design presents hygiene issues in the hot climate I live in. The cage I wear now is a balance of coverage and breathable that I’m satisfied with.

Taboo

I like having a dirty little secret, don’t you? The fact is that having something different on under your clothes that no one else knows about is exciting. I like seeing how I look in the mirror with just my cage on. It’s like a unique and interesting piece of jewelry that makes a statement, even if it’s just to myself. It’s not why I do it, but the fact that it makes me feel a little different, maybe even a little out there, is something I enjoy. Decoupling my penis from my manhood is an interesting experiment as well. If getting off to your wife’s escapades with others is a male taboo, then I think letting your wife control your penis is in a similar vein – no pun intended!

Discipline

Chastity doesn’t have to be all fun and games – there are practical benefits too! I love sex a lot and think about sexuality a lot but this can be problematic when my mind should be somewhere else. There are times when I can focus for a few days without release but others when a two or three times per day binge is not uncommon. There’s no other way to say it: it’s cheap “sex” driven more by boredom and procrastination than anything else. The people who end up paying for it in time is my family, especially my wife. So when I hand her the key, it might just be for fun, accountability, or both. No matter what the priority is though, not having unfettered access to look at porn and masturbate multiple times per day undoubtedly gives me more focus and makes my life better. I’m more present with my family, more driven to be attentive to my wife and even have more energy.

All Locked Up

Chastity is incredibly versatile. It can be a sweet and playful game; a kinky power exchange; spicy humiliation play; just straight-up practical; or any combination of these! If you’re curious about trying it, I encourage you to explore in a way that’s right for you! If you already enjoy playing with chastity, I’d love to hear your own take on it. Have fun and happy locking!

How are Cuckold Brains Made?

How are Cuckold Brains Made?

“Why are you the way that you are? I hate so much, the things you choose to be.” -Michael Scott

Any other fans of The Office will immediately recall this one of many showdowns between the Dunder Mifflin Scranton branch manager and his arch-rival in HR, Toby Flenderson. However, this quote is more than a joke to me. It resonates deep within me, from myself, to myself (not unlike that one time Dwight fought himself). I, as many other men like me, have often wondered why my particular desires exist. At times, that desire can quickly turn to loathing the things I got off to moments before. Thus we arrive at the age-old question: what the fuck?

One of the most interesting things about people is our stories. Everyone has a unique life history that helps make us who we are. The mystery of our personalities is wrapped up in a host of factors, including our biology, environment and experiences. Over the years, a few have stood out to me over and over again; certain variables in my life that, when tweaked just right, helped make the man I am today.

Jesus Freak

I was raised in an evangelical Christian home. We went to church every Sunday and week after week, from birth until my mid-twenties, I sat and listened to lessons from the Bible. Curiously, Christian culture takes poems, letters and stories written thousands of years ago and distills them down into neat little rules, mainly revolving around sex. For guys, don’t watch porn or jerk off; for girls, don’t tempt guys. My teens and almost all of my twenties was spent very repressed. I discovered masturbation on my own, watched a lot of porn and felt really bad about it. That was my sex education.

Another component of my sex and relationship education was complementarianism (patriarchy), the belief that man and woman each have unique, complementary roles ordained by God that they should not deviate from. Specifically, the husband was the leader of the family and the wife should submit to him (yes, a man wrote that). We believed this. Our wedding vows reflected it. We entered into a good Christian union as good Christian people, neither being encouraged to find our own way, sexually. It was already defined for us.

Ironically, I feel that this conservative upbringing is what primed me for much of my kinky sexuality, including cuckolding. Justin Lehmiller makes the case in a recent article for why conservative men are much more likely to fantasize about their wives fucking other men. In the piece, he shares Jack Morin’s erotic equation: Attraction + Obstacles = Excitement. In other words, taboo is sexy. The more you force a man into hyper-masculine patriarchy, the potentially hotter it is for his wife to subvert his “leadership” and let another man conquer her. The more I read, the clearer it became: I had no idea how much of a prime cuckold candidate I was.

My introduction to cucking was through porn. I don’t recommend that path at all (a post for another time) but this was 2013 and the wealth of quality resources we have today just weren’t there. Yes, cuckold porn is cheesy, over-the-top and maybe even harmful but at the time, all I knew was that the first time I saw a wife in the throes of passionate fucking with a hung, virile man while her husband sat and watched longingly in the corner, it struck my sexual psyche like a lightning bolt, igniting something deep within me. It was dirty and taboo but also hit closer to home for me than anything else I’d seen yet. I had no idea how hooked I was. Seven years later, that fire is burning hotter than ever.

“You Cheated On Me?”

When I specifically asked you not to?”

The human brain is an amazing thing in that when trauma strikes, it adapts, sometimes in curious ways. I hesitate to use that word in light of something so trivial but when you’re a freshman in college and your first relationship ever goes sideways, it feels like the end of your world. To be fair, it was partially my fault for making it my world but you have to understand, I was the shy, nerdy kid growing up. The guy that girls didn’t talk to unless they needed help with homework. The guy that got “Quit jerkin’ it” written in his yearbook. The lanky, awkward teenager that obsessively compared himself to other guys and never felt good enough (okay, maybe that’s every teenager).

The point is, I wasn’t sure if or when I’d ever have someone special to call my own. Then, she came into my life. Did I have the self-confidence and maturity for a healthy relationship? No. Were we a good match? Fuck no. Was she giving me attention? Yes. A girl was giving me attention! So I rolled with it. We had some good times but most of our time together was spent fighting, and she always won. She wore the pants in that relationship and I was just excited to make someone happy. I thought I was too, until I found out what she was doing with the guy I wasn’t supposed to worry about.

Remember the homework thing? Yeah, I was doing her homework on her computer but couldn’t help but notice some not-hidden-at-all messages she had saved. Dirty messages, and not with me! Her friend was a fuck buddy and they had been very friendly for most of our relationship, while all we had ever done was kiss. Years before I ever knew the term, I was cucked. This was devastating to me, made worst by the fact that for the rest of the semester, I had to see them around campus, hugging, kissing and, well, I knew what else they were doing.

Over the years, tidbits of this silly college fling have manifested in little revelations that click into place as I try to put the puzzle together. For example, the time she told me how much she missed her ex-boyfriend’s big dick and all the amazing sex they had together (yes, that happened). Or the time she turned me down for sex because she said I wasn’t ready (she was right but it wasn’t any less humiliating). When I take these little experiences of my life and hold them up against my sexuality today, I can’t help but notice how similar they are.

A Happy Ending

I am grateful every day that my story ends well. I ended up meeting a woman I would fight the whole world for; someone who loves me for who I am and is truly worthy of every drop of devotion I have for her. More than that, she has been patient and understanding with me throughout my sexual journey, with all the confusion, shame and weird, freaky ideas that come with it. We love each other and no matter what, that will always be enough for me.

So maybe my inclination towards cuckolding is rooted in some negative and even hurtful times in my life. My fundamentalist roots made the notion of a married woman playing outside her marriage especially exciting. My brain may have eroticized “cheating” (extramarital sex – cuckolding isn’t cheating, folks) due to my first relationship experience. Does that mean my sexuality is bad, or invalid, or just a negative coping mechanism? No, I don’t think so. Regardless of how I got here, what I have now is something that brings me excitement, pleasure and, most importantly, encourages me to worship my wife even more. While I’m still working on fully accepting myself, I know who I am and the value I bring to a relationship. Getting excited about cuckolding doesn’t take away from that; it enhances it.

What’s your story? How did you get to where you are now? Think about it, process it, accept it, and then own it. You’re worth it.

– Jack


I’m a Cuckold!

I’m a Cuckold!

I know we don’t know each other yet (hopefully that changes soon) but trust me when I say, it takes a lot for me to proudly proclaim that. I am new to blogging but not at all new to the topic. In fact it was less than a year into my marriage that the titillating image of my wife sleeping with other men wormed its way deep into my mind and it hasn’t been uprooted since. That was about seven years ago, and it hasn’t always been easy, but I’m excited to cover my journey in more detail soon. For now though, allow me to introduce myself.

Who am I? Well, I mentioned the word “cuckold”, the subject of this blog and what I identify as. In today’s terms, a cuckold is a man who’s wife is free to sleep with other men while he remains sexually faithful to her and, this is the key, they both love it that way (credit to Cuckoldress Venus for the succinct definition). Currently, my wife and I are not yet in a cuckolding dynamic, and at first I wondered what I could possibly have to say here. However, not only does my wife acknowledge and remain open to the lifestyle in the future, we’ve started exploring related things together (yay, pussy denial!). I think of “cuckold” as an orientation, a frame of mind, a daily discipline, and a personal lifestyle, whether your wife is actively fucking other men or not. Wherever you come down on the label, I’m excited and proud to have it!

While I’m excited to talk more about that, there’s obviously more to me than that. I’m a family man first; my wife and kids are my greatest gift and accomplishment and I like to spend as much time with them as I can. When I do have some time to burn, I like to go into the garage, crank up some music and work up a sweat in my gym; go for a run with a podcast or audiobook; plop down with a video game or do a project on the house. I don’t think I seem any different from most guys and until society is widely accepting of non-monogamy, it’s probably for the best to keep it that way!

Why the blog? To be honest, I’ve been inspired. For years my cuck thoughts have been swirling inside my head but when I saw other guys like The Geeky Cuckold or Confident Cuckold really getting after it on their blogs, it gave me the confidence I needed to do it too. I feel that I have come a long way to this point in my life but most of my journey is still ahead of me. My hope for this space is to pay it forward, encourage, educate and, of course, occasionally titillate!

Why the name? The moniker I go by, Cuckold Kisses, and the shorthand/signature Cuck XO, is directly inspired by Cuckoldress Venus’ hashtag #cuckoldingislove. The reason it means so much to me is because my introduction to cuckolding was through porn, during a low point in my life. My first impression was that the women were mean and indifferent toward their men and I used that porn to numb the pain of my low self-esteem. Once I learned the truth about cucks and their cucktresses, it felt like coming out of the forest.

What I thought I once wanted was bullshit. This is what I really wanted all along. “I’ll be home late, honey. Don’t wait up for me,” with a hug. “He fucked me so hard like only he could, baby. I really, really needed that. I love you,” with a kiss. Love. Firm, tender, grateful, ride-or-die love. The name Cuckold Kisses reminds me that no matter what form the cuckolding takes, it always comes back to love.

What’s next? Real talk: I struggle with being brave and too embarrassed in my relationship to make my dreams come true, but every time I’ve mustered the courage, whether it’s been about wearing panties, wanting small penis humiliation or being a cuckold, my wife has been nothing but understanding and supportive. Personally, I want to get serious and keep moving forward towards a female-led, cuckolding dynamic focused on her pleasure, because she deserves it (seriously, this woman works harder than anyone I know) and I want it for her. Along the way I’m going to use this blog to engage with the community, document my fears, fantasies, victories, lessons learned and hopefully encourage others and myself along the way. If you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading!

– Jack


Cover photo: Womanizer WOW Tech via Unsplash.